I am constantly starting new stories. I rarely finish them. I enjoy the process of creation but not the process of completion. I'm sure that is true of most people that write. Starting a story is fun. Finishing a story is hard work. Finishing a story while making sure it is something worthy of another person's time is very hard work.
My current story is almost over 100,000 words now. I'm not sure who would bother to read that many words from me and yet I think it is a good story.
And I think it sucks.
I find myself having moments of inspiration where I sling together dozens of sentences with lots and lots of descriptors only to find them too wordy on a reread. I force myself through a section I'm not enjoying only to find later they read too dry.
I've always been my own worst critic but I've put a lot of time into this one. It might even be good. I just need to keep plugging. And rewriting.
The thing that haunts me about writing is when you finish, it's finished. The story is no longer alive. Later you'll see problems and you wish you could go back to fix them all but it's not good to live in the past. It's better to think of a story as dead the moment you hit publish.
I'm sure that's part of the reason I don't publish. The other part is pure cowardice of the reaction when I hit publish. If you press publish and no one notices, did you really do anything? Worse is publishing and getting a negative reaction.
I know the latter is unlikely to happen. That's because the people at the site where I publish are very generous with their praise. Not because the stories are good. It's because their isn't many people publishing in the genre and so they don't want to discourage anymore. Mediocrity is the norm.
I know these thoughts may sound arrogant to some but you have to be arrogant to write. You have to think ... I have a story inside me so important that other people need to hear it. So hopefully my new story will soon be finished and become another log on the pyre. I do hope it's good. That's assuming I finish at all.
As I look back over the previous paragraphs I expect the few that actually read this might think me an insecure loon. The truth is it is more likely a plea for attention on a night where I am procrastinating.
I wish I didn't feel this way but I expect it's not uncommon for most writers. I've gotta keep plugging and get this done.
