Over time we have developed different coping mechanisms like church, alcohol, stories, and therapy but the truth of the matter is none of really understand why were are here or truly understand all our actions. We like to think that we are in control when in actuality we are the result of an evolutionary process that gave us a few gifts that other animals lacked.
Humans have a big brain. We have the ability to speak. We have hands and thumbs that enable us to make and use tools. This gave us the ability to dominate the planet but other than that we aren't different than other animals. Watch a pack of cheetahs chase a wounded gazelle and tell me their actions are much different than a group of 5th grade bullies picking on the class nerd. Watch a herd of wild horses follow a stallion and tell me you don't see the same type of behavior at any political rally. We have developed codes and laws to 'normalize' our behavior but the truth is deep down we are just like the rest of the animals on the planet.
In some of my stories a mother figure plays a big role and all of them are based in part on my own mother. I'm sure all writers do this as our parents affect us more than any other person. Our parents get the blame them for our problems as we get older and fail to live up to the potential set as a child.
My mother has always used religion as a coping mechanism and it is a topic I try to avoid with her. I know quite a bit of my own self hatred of my demons is due to the fact that she is not shy at sharing her views on anything see sees as deviant behavior. Last night we had a conversation that started innocently as we discussed the recent revelation that the NSA is routinely violating the 4th amendment. I made a simple comment that set things off.
'This is why the world needs religion but not as it exists today.'
I knew I was poking a beehive with this comment but what I meant was that society would be better off if the societal norm was to belong to a community organization that was a safety net to help the weak/poor and able to stand up to big government. The Catholic Church did this to some extent in the Middle Ages though corruption at all levels made it less effective than it otherwise would have been. On the other hand, the Dark Ages would have been much more dark and much more chaotic without the efforts of the many pious men/women that served the church.
My mom believes in a strict adherence to the church and believe fully that anyone that doesn't believe or is of a different faith is going to hell. I avoid letting her know that the bible is vague about the concept of hell and it certainly wasn't anything in Jesus' teachings. Hell as we know it today was mostly a creation of a 14th century writer, Dante Aligherieri, in his book the Divine Comedy. He leads the reader through Hell (Inferno), Purgatory (Purgatorio), and Paradise/Heaven (Paradiso) and this is the basis of much of what Christians believe today though many don't realize it. All Dante was doing was putting words to church doctrine and codifying the mess of various interpretations of Revelations that arose during the Dark Ages. Church leaders found that the idea of Jesus dying for their sins was a good tool to get the leaders of Europe to follow the church but the idea of hell/eternal damnation was even better. As an added benefit they could charge people to get their ancestors out of Purgatory and into Heaven. It was a nice racket.
For what it is worth, Revelations was written by a man in in 95 AD that had no relation to Jesus or the early apostles but claimed to have been divinely inspired and the early Christians liked the message and included it in the Bible. All Dante did in the 14th century was take it to the next level. I personally hope that by the year 2600 that Dan Brown's interpretation will be added to canon though I know that is doubtful. The truth is there isn't any difference in any of the three fictions (Revelations, Dante's Inferno, DaVinci Code).
I know I've digressed but I do believe the original church of the apostles was a beautiful idea. The principle concept was that people should love and forgive one another for their failings. The words that were relayed to us of Jesus' teachings are a series of beautiful statements that condemn the rich and ask us to help the less fortunate. On the other hand many people today like to forget that the Bible is made up of two parts, the Old and New Testament. The Old Testament was written by the Judean people as history from parables to help guide their people after their release from captivity from Babylon in about 538 BCE (as reference - the pinnacle of Judean power was under King David and he lived around 1000 BCE and no part of the Bible existed in his time). The Bible they created was a living document as books were added and subtracted over the next few centuries until Jesus came along a few centuries later and caused a split in the Jewish faith.
The reason I mention the Old Testament is that is where most of the Bible verses come from that are Christians quote about homosexuality and 'deviant behavior'. Here's the Old Testament verses:
Genesis 19:1-11 - Lot offers some men of Sodom two of his virgin daughter's to stop them from 'sodomizing' his guests (I wonder how his daughters felt about this).
Leviticus 18:22 - "Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin."
Leviticus 20:13 - "If a man practices homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman, both men have committed a detestable act. They must both be put to death, for they are guilty of a capital offense."
Judges 19:16-24 - "...a crowd of troublemakers from the town surrounded the house. They began beating at the door and shouting to the old man, "Bring out the man who is staying with you so we can have sex with him." The old man stepped outside to talk to them. "No, my brothers, don't do such an evil thing. For this man is a guest in my house, and such a thing would be shameful. Here, take my virgin daughter and this man's concubine. I will bring them out to you, and you can abuse them and do whatever you like. But don't do such a shameful thing to this man." (Rape my daughters --- please!)
1 Kings 14:24 - "And there were also male cult prostitutes in the land. They did according to all the abominations of the nations that the LORD drove out before the people of Israel."
1 Kings 15:12 - "He put away the male cult prostitutes out of the land and removed all the idols that his fathers had made."
2 Kings 23:7 - "He also tore down the living quarters of the male and female shrine prostitutes that were inside the Temple of the LORD, where the women wove coverings for the Asherah pole."
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 - "Don't you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don't fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people-none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." (Do Christians have the same feelings of anger towards the greedy or drunks as they do for homosexuals?)
1 Timothy 1:8-10 - "Now we know that the law is good, if one uses it lawfully, understanding this, that the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers, the sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine"
Jude 7 - "And don't forget Sodom and Gomorrah and their neighboring towns, which were filled with immorality and every kind of sexual perversion. Those cities were destroyed by fire and serve as a warning of the eternal fire of God's judgment."
Of all these only Leviticus 20:13 proscribes judgement on deviant behavior. What many Christians don't tell you is that Leviticus proscribes judgement for all sorts of 'evil' acts.
- Curse your mother or father? Death (Leviticus 20:9)
- Commit adultry? Death (Leviticus 20:10)
- Have sex with your father's wife? Death (Leviticus 20:11)
- Have sex with your daughter in law? Death (Leviticus 20:12)
- Marry a woman and her mother? Burned to death (Leviticus 20:14)
- Sex with an animal? Both the offender and the animal must die (Leviticus 20:15-16)
- Marry your sister? Banishment (Leviticus 20:17)
- Sex during a woman's period? Banishment (Leviticus 20:18)
- Sex with an aunt? Die childless (though I'm not sure how they'd ensure this) (Leviticus 20:19-20)
- Marry your brother's wife? Die childless (Leviticus 20:21)
- Eat unclean animals? Defiled (Leviticus 20:25)
- Be a medium or spiritualist? Death by stoning (Leviticus 20:27)
The truth is the Old Testament was a series of socially accepted norms that the leaders of the Judean people gave to their people in order to get them to act in a certain way. What that tells me is deviant behavior has been around as long as there have been people as our earliest texts speak about it. It is part of our animal brain.
We have a much better understanding today of how our brains work though we still don't understand why some people deviate for societal norms which brings me back to my conversation with my mom.
Growing up I was indoctrinated into the church and I knew without being told that ideas contrary to the norm were bad and that I was evil for having them. For me that led to a lot of self hatred that I've yet been able to outrun. If you step back and look at it from a distance the very idea of a man wanting to be a woman is silly. I mean ... really? People are born with either the genetics of a man or a woman. Why would you want to be something you clearly are not? It doesn't make any sense and I can't explain it.
All I know is what I feel and that is why my conversation with my mom got so heated. It went something like this.
Me - 'The Bible has a lot of nice ideas and I might support a church if it were more inclusive with less emphasis on a man that we aren't even sure ever existed.'
Her - 'I have faith and if you gave it a chance you would too.'
Me - 'I've tried mom but my brain doesn't work like that. I can't believe something I'm 99% sure isn't true.'
Her - '... and besides, gays are welcome in the church. They choose to live in sin but Jesus would forgive them. God didn't make them like that.'
Me - 'That's bullshit mom. I have a gay friend and we've discussed the subject many times. He's convinced me that he'd do anything to be different but he can't help how he was made. It is part of who he is and he's accepted it.'
Her - 'I don't believe that.'
Parents rarely see the truth they don't want to see and of course my friend in the conversation was me. I'm not gay but I am a deviant (I really believe deep down everyone is) and most Christians including my mom would see little difference between what I do and homosexuality.
This was brought to head the other day when my nephew showed up at his swim meet wearing bright blue nail polish on his fingers and toes. My brother has shared custody of my nephew and during the day he asked his mom if she would paint his nails like she had done for my niece. She did it. My brother was aghast when he saw him and my mom was livid when she heard about it. Of course I thought it was funny and the comment I made was ...
'I'm impressed that he cares so little about what others think that he is able to do what he wants.'
My brother and mom looked at me like I had two heads. My mother said she was going to speak to my nephew and tell him that if his mother tried to do something like that ever again to tell her in a loud voice, "NO!"
I lost my temper and yelled at her. 'Mom he wants to do it. He asks about it all the time and it isn't the first time he's come home wearing nail polish. He likes it and doesn't need your opinion screwing with his mind. Let him do what he wants.'
Nope. I have no issues.
They don't see my nephew's ability to be himself as a blessing. I look forward to watching him evolve into whatever form of an adult that he desires and he doesn't realize it now but he has a secret ally in me. I do plan to have a conversation with him that it is not wrong to be yourself no matter what others think. As long as he isn't hurting others, he is free to act as he wishes and I do hope that whatever he chooses in life isn't hamstrung by the dictates of a society that doesn't want to accept that thoughts in our head are complex. That the idea of male and female, sexual orientation and gender identification are much more complex than any of us still understand and certainly shouldn't be dictated by a book written a few thousand years ago.
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